Sensitive topic warning. This blog talks about domestic violence, suicide, trauma, and the care system.

On the 18th February 2025, one of my best friends for many years, Emma, died by suicide. Today, sixteen months later, I received a call to arrange a meeting with an independent investigator, for them to hear from me about Emma; who she was as a friend, a mother, a daughter, a person in this world… to give life and knowledge back to who she was beyond the difficulties, trauma, and missed opportunities for support that she faced.

The wider investigation is looking at how, and if, domestic violence and missed opportunities to support Emma contributed to her death, and whether a review of services is needed within the local authority where she lived.

After the phone call to arrange this meeting, I have lain on my sofa and cried… and felt the complexity of emotions linked to the grief, the loss, the trauma, and the acknowledgement of her… but also the missing acknowledgement of women like Emma, who face years of missed opportunities for support with domestic violence and mental health diagnoses, often leading to the removal of their children into the care system.

While the investigation is looking into how domestic violence impacted Emma’s life, I know that her life, wellbeing, and mental stability took a steep downward spiral when her child was taken into the care system.

As both a friend and a researcher, I also know that Emma’s experience is not an isolated one.

From personal experience, I know my own mum attempted suicide multiple times when we were taken from her care. In addition, in 2024, academics from the University of Birmingham and the University of Edinburgh, in collaboration with the national charity Pause, shared data that suggested women who have experienced the repeated removal of children from their care are 14 times more likely to die prematurely. Wider research concludes that women who have children removed from their care experience increased psychological distress and are at greater risk of suicide and suicide attempts. Recommendations from this research suggest that mothers whose children are removed should receive greater mental health support, both to minimise the impact of this event and to address any underlying mental health issues contributing to the child being taken into care (Wall-Wieler et al., 2018).

Too often, professional attention focuses on the decision to remove a child, with far less attention given to what happens afterwards. Yet the evidence suggests that removal itself can be a profound and life-altering trauma, particularly for women already living with domestic abuse, poverty, mental ill-health, addiction, and unresolved trauma. If we recognise this, then post-removal support cannot be viewed as optional; it becomes a vital part of safeguarding and prevention.

So the evidence is there that women who have experienced the removal of a child from their care face significantly increased risks to their mental health, wellbeing, and life expectancy, and yet gaps still exist, especially for those who might find it more difficult to engage with services and support. There is currently no statutory obligation to provide post-removal support to birth parents, despite them being a high-priority group often facing complex disadvantage, trauma, and multiple physical and mental health challenges.

With the rate of children entering the care system in England increasing year on year, it feels increasingly important to highlight the need for support after removal. Something surely has to change.

From my own experiences, not only of Emma but also of my own birth mother, I know both women were failed repeatedly. Their trauma response was to numb through the use of drugs, which was then used against them. They became more isolated and more vulnerable, and were labelled as increasingly ‘unable to engage with services’. Their difficulty in trusting services and professionals increased their isolation and reduced access to support, leading to greater vulnerability and further disengagement from services that might have helped.

It is important to state that neither was an inherently bad person, nor had they lost their love for their children. They had incredible love, but were carrying layers of trauma that systems designed to provide safety and support were ultimately unable to heal.

I have reflected a lot on what I could have done differently, or more, to have saved my friend, and I also know that responsibility was well beyond my own ability to save her life.

But what I can do in the aftermath of her loss is refuse to let these women be forgotten; to become statistics in a system that continually fails to provide healing from trauma and instead adds to it, compounding the damage already created.

I can work with the services that interact with these women, helping them better understand the complexities they face and the impact of trauma on their lives. I can continue creating knowledge, understanding, and recognition of these women, their needs, and the people they were in life, and could have been with the right support at the right time.

I cannot change what happened to Emma.

I cannot go back and create the support that might have made a difference.

But I can refuse to let her become a statistic.

I can continue to advocate for systems that recognise women like Emma not as problems to be managed, but as people deserving of care, dignity, understanding, and support.

Emma was a mother, a daughter, a friend, and a person who mattered.

If her story can help create change for even one woman facing similar circumstances, then her life continues to have meaning far beyond the way it ended.

If you work in this area, have been impacted by these issues, or would like to work together to create change, I would love to hear from you.

References:
Website accessed 23.06.2026
https://www.birmingham.ac.uk/news/2024/women-who-have-had-children-removed-from-their-care-are-more-likely-to-die-prematurely

Wall-Wieler, E., Roos, L. L., Brownell, M., Nickel, N., Chateau, D., & Singal, D. (2018). Suicide Attempts and Completions among Mothers Whose Children Were Taken into Care by Child Protection Services: A Cohort Study Using Linkable Administrative Data. Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, 63(3), 170–177. https://doi.org/10.1177/0706743717741058